Dear Kay,
If you’re reading these letters, you’re well aware of the situation that I brought upon us prior to this day. I’m so sorry. I will regret it for the rest of my life. I have said i’m sorry to you way too many times in the days before today. I think I probably said it too much. It doesn’t help right now. I’m not sure what will.
I know that you are feeling a tremendous amount of betrayal and anger. I know that you feel sad and lonely and alone and like so much of our relationship was not real. I respect and accept that you feel that. I feel awful for bringing it to you. It brings me such pain and sorry to know that I brought those feelings to somebody that I love so deeply.
I can promise you that I am working hard on myself. The person you dealt with for the last year is not the person you fell in love with and it’s not the person that I truly am. I’m putting the work in every day to ensure that for the next 60 years, or however long we have left, I will be the best man you could ever ask for. Healing will not be easy, but I will be here and I will wait for you. The only goal that I see in front of me is you. I hope that I get the chance to rebuild our relationship day by day. I hope that I can show you that people who care can change. Our trust will take time to come back, but our love will return and we will know where to go together. I will be right there with you.
In therapy today, I decided that I wanted to write these letters to you. You blocked me earlier after telling me that you could never forgive me and hated me for ruining your life. I pray that those things aren’t true, but if they are i’m prepared to continue writing to you for as long as I have to. Every day. I’m right here, Kay. And although I can’t get these messages to you right now, I know that I will one day.
Hopefully, you’re reading these letters with a smile. Hopefully, we’ve come far enough that as i’m giving these to you we are building our relationship even better and closer and more trustworthy and committed than ever before. But if not, if you’re reading them in a different scenario, know this – I love you anyway. You’re magic, Kayla. And I will never forget what it felt like to get to share that with you. I will love you forever, and if given the chance will bring you the most beautiful life.
Love always,
John