Dear Kay,
Good morning. I love you and I miss you. I am here, just like I promised. Today, I attended a rebuilding and earning trust workshop. It was one of the most eye opening exercises that I’ve completed since I started this journey. There was a lot discussed, but many of the points were new to me and some of the studies and papers that we discussed were things that I had never heard before.
For instance, I learned about being a trust giver versus a trust receiver. In this case, I am the trust receiver – I must receive trust from you that you decide weather or not to give me. There is a delicate balance that exists here and I have to understand that trust is not rebuilt, it’s earned. I can’t assume that trust is given in any moment – I need to actively invest in it with patience and zero entitlement.
Trust is not just this abstract thing. Time will not gain it back for me. There is no one time solution. It has to be consistently earned through the following things:
- Transparency: Open, honest, provide information. Be forthcoming. Do not trickle truth. Full truth all at once. This can be very simplistic but it cannot be thought of in a simplistic way. A lack of transparency roadblocks the trust being earned. No gaslighting.
- Accountability: Take responsibility for actions. Acknowledge the damage that was caused. Initiate conversations about it – you bring it up, not Kayla. Work through the entire event and deal with the emotions.
- Consistency: Demonstrating consistent behavior and genuine actions including following through with commitments and promises. A sustained effort to rebuild what was broken.
In addition to this there is a huge focus on patience. I think that’s somewhat self explanatory, but this won’t be an easy road. And I’m ready to take on that challenge whenever you are.
Receiving you and catching you gently, when you are ready, is what I’m focused on. I just want you to feel so much love, honestly, consistency and hope. And I will be patient with you because I know you’ll need it. This work on myself has been eye-opening in many ways, but none more important than being ready to be the best person I can be for you. I’m here, Kay – just like I promised you I would be.
I love you always,
John
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